Thinking of Searching for Birth Family Information?

Two Questions to Ask Yourself

AIAA’s post adoption services department routinely responds to adult adoptees who want to look into discovering more information about their birth histories and/or their birth families. Sometimes we are successful in helping adoptees gain more information about their backgrounds and sometimes, even our best efforts do not succeed. Despite the outcome we have learned that adoptees who have thought through the process are the ones who are best prepared to search.

If you are thinking of searching for birth family information and/or trying to locate birth family members, please ask yourself these two very important questions.

Am I at a point in my life that searching makes sense for me?

This question is meant to get you to think about what is happening in your life that may be spurring you on to search. Sometimes, adoptees think about searching when there has been a trauma or some upheaval in their lives. Though change, good or bad, can be the catalyst for wanting to search, timing is very important. Searching for birth history information or birth family members can have many ups and downs. Being emotionally ready and having a support system in place for this roller coaster ride is imperative.

This is one of the reasons that AIAA only works with adoptees who are 18-years-of age or older who are interested in searching. Having attained a certain level of emotional maturity is important as is being able to own the search process. It is our philosophy that only adult adoptees can truly own their search.

The post adoption department is available to work with adoptive families whose children have questions about their birth histories, but in most cases assisting in searches is reserved for the adult adoptee. We are also happy to give adoptive families ideas about how to work with their children to help prepare them for undertaking a search when they reach adulthood.

What do I hope to accomplish by searching?

There is an array of possible outcomes that searching can produce. Some adoptees may discover that there is simply no more information to be found. Others may learn details about their birth history that may not have been given to their adoptive families. There are those instances when adoptees learn that their birth family members have been located but do not want to have contact with them. Still others may be able to make contact with birth family members through letters or other forms of correspondence. Some adoptees may even go on to meet birth parents and/or other family members. Whatever the outcome of your search, you need to be prepared for the fact that you may or may not get the result that you desired. Being prepared to accept whatever you discover is key to a successful search experience.

We have worked with some adult adoptees who have initiated a search and then failed to follow through when information about their birth family was discovered. This makes for a difficult situation, especially when birth family members have been located at the request of the adoptee who is now overwhelmed and unable to follow through. It is important to remember that your decision to search not only impacts you, but it has the potential to impact your birth family as well. Thinking about what you want out of the search process, and how you will handle any number of possible scenarios, needs to be done before you make the decision to go forward. Sometimes talking to a post adoption professional is helpful. AIAA is more than willing to talk with you if you are considering the idea of search.

When thinking about searching for birth family information and/or locating birth family members, make sure to take the time to think through what your goals are for searching. Think about all of the possibilities that may arise from a search and be honest with yourself about your expectations. Take time to consider how you will handle the search process. Above all, make sure that you have someone to talk to who will be able to support you during the ups and downs that accompany a search for birth family information and/or birth family members.

If you have any questions about searching or just want to talk to a post adoption social worker, call Rosemary Jackson.